I think happy thoughts


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Positive Parenting

How do you stay positive when your child’s behaviors are driving you crazy? This is a tough question. Every parent knows that they have had a point in their lives when they were pushed to yell, scream, or worse because they were so worn down and did not know what else to do.  The same cycle seems to happen over and over where your child’s emotions and your emotions get out of control. This is something that happens often but doesn’t have to.

If you take a step back and start to look at the cycle of what is triggering you and your child, you will be able to better regulate your own emotions. And you will be able to start teaching your child how to regulate his/her own emotions.  Positive parenting is about looking for ways to change the situation into a more positive one instead of continuing to punish bad behaviors. You have to start looking at the big picture and do a little detective work.

Figuring out what is triggering your child’s bad mood may not be obvious at first but look at the patterns. What time of day does it usually happen, what is your child usually doing, and who is around when it happens? These types of questions help you to get more information about the cycle of behaviors that are happening. Then you can come up with a plan to intervene earlier on before the behaviors are out of control and your child is having a tantrum and you are screaming.

It’s also important to factor in your own triggers so that you know when you are getting overwhelmed. You can get better at taking a break and then talking to your child in a more calm and rational manner. This helps the child understand what behavior you don’t like and takes away the emotional reaction to your mood.

The key to any new approach in parenting is to plan ahead, practice, and allow for mistakes. Be willing to stick with it even if you don’t see results right away. If you have been doing the same type of parenting for years then a new approach won’t change things overnight, but it will change things. Positive approaches are very effective and leave you feeling good about what you are teaching your child.


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Children’s tactics to get what they want.

Every child seems to have an instinctively stubborn way of trying to change the word “No” into a “Yes.” It happens to every parent. Your sweet child suddenly turns into a whining, screaming, crying mess when you say “no.”  Usually this is best done in a public place to call more attention to you and make you feel obligated to do something quick to make him/her be quiet. Now other children may have made it through this phase and know that a tantrum won’t work (kudos to you for breaking them of the habit), but now they try more subtle tactics like bargaining or logic to explain why it should be “yes.”  This type of tactic is more sly than the first and you may not even realize you are being had until later when you think, “Why did I let him have that?”  It’s a common problem that all parents face. Figuring out that your child is using these tactics is the first step to developing your own tactics to diffuse the situation and keep your sanity. Children can outsmart the best of us and the only way to beat them at their own tricks is to use the same type of mentality. Discussing “why” with a child that bargains will almost always result in you giving in or having a much longer conversation about candy than you ever wanted to.  The same goes for temper tantrums. Giving a long explanation about why their behavior is not appropriate won’t work. Being clear and consistent are your keys to success. Give the child an explanation ahead of time of what will happen if they try to tantrum or bargain their way into something.  That way when they try it (and you know they will) you can give a reminder about what will happen. Then when they try again (and they will) you follow through. Voila problem solved! Now this will take work because your child will probably wonder why their tactics are no  longer working. They may try again and again to get their tactics to work. But the more consistent you are the quicker they will learn that your rule is supreme. You can once again feel that yes you can outsmart a child (at least sometimes)!

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